Can I beg the question?

 
I was challenged last night to write an hour a day and I am going to see what comes of that here.  Thanks for hanging in there with me as I continue to sift through life, my questions, and each day's blank page.


I have never been afraid of controversy.  In the heyday of my youth and immaturity I partnered  this with my sarcasm and antagonistic side just to feel smart. There was something deeply powerful about being able to corner others in conversation and take jabs that eventually could lead to me feeling like the funniest (if not also the most intelligent) person in the room.  Truth be told, a lot of this came from my early years in church...where within the safe circle of "Christian Minnesota Nice" you can say just about anything you want as long as you do it with a smile and a little humor.  My friends in the South have a similar out when they follow up with "Bless his heart". 

A poignant moment happened to me in a Sunday School class that quickly turned from Q&A to an open dig session on why every other church/youth group in town wasn't up to our level.  It wasn't until my family quit attending that I began to realize how elitist and weird much of what I thought being a "good person of faith" entailed.  Did my faith have to be more than what I felt it needed to be?  Who writes the rules?  My course has been forever changed by these thoughts and instead of being frustrated I now am thankful for the wandering feelings and general lack of direction.  I have learned that the trap game in life (and certainly religion) is believing that you not only know best, but your "right" is righter than all others.

Instead of debating to win, I have begun to choose my moments when I want to beg the question.  Sometimes I can't help but stir the pot and I do so knowingly, but other times I am awestruck by the emotion that comes of a seemingly simple thought or question.  I can say with 100% certainty that my words do not come from a lack of faith...nor out of doubt...or even from a bored need to rile things up.  Frankly, I am afraid of those who do not question anything anymore. There is a  false sense of security that comes from being closed off to unspoken conversations, believing in a misguided elitism based on their interpretation of faith.  We all have witnessed the pendulum swing back and forth during this political season, but where those debates can reach a stalemate, religion has an unfair trump card that can change any conversation.

It honestly pains me to even type it out, so I will just give you an example about what I am referring to. Person A says something about their faith that Person B disagrees with . Person A raises their questions to Person B's methodology.  Person B can't come to grips with the differences and the doubt ("I thought this person thought the same as I did"), so in an attempt to protect themselves, they play "the card" in their mind. A subtle switch quickly takes place. Person A must no longer be one of "us", but "them" and can be subjugated to the lost pile with all the crazies, mystics, and left socks.  In environments such as these by raising questions, Person A somehow broke an unspoken rule of faith.  To question is to doubt. To doubt is to not truly believe. This "weakness" cannot be encouraged.

I say all these things to show you where my heart and head are going. Not into a lost world of faithless chasing, but with love...with hopeful certainty.  By embracing questions (and those who have been placed outside of society's various circles), I know that I am getting ever closer to the heart of who I must become.