Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A marriage story



There's been a lot of commotion on Facebook these days about the upcoming election - especially with polarizing topics like the marriage amendment on the ballot.  I even had a friend of mine post today that she had just deleted all of her friends who had "liked" Mitt Romney's page! I can't say that I haven't considered hiding all of my friends who post so passionately about he or Pres. Obama, but I've got another direction I'd like to go.

Since most days I don't have the time or energy to battle over Facebook, I choose to tell you all about a couple friends of mine who decided to break the rules and get married instead. 

After keeping their love largely a secret (for fear of persecution and judgment in their small town) they chose to make the biggest commitment by getting married.  Even the few friends and family who knew about their relationship tried to talk them out of it, because of the ramifications it would have.  You see, their home state was one of those old rarities that not only didn't recognize their union, but maintained that it was a criminal act.

One day they went on a road trip to a different state and came back with rings and had their proudest achievement under their arm to hang on their bedroom wall - a legal certificate of marriage.  At no time did they triumphantly stick their relationship in people's faces who disapproved, nor did they judge those who used the Bible to tell them that they were an abomination.  In their eyes they were meant to be together and didn't see why a law or others opinions had anything to do with it.

Fast forward seven months to 2am at their home.  A brief knock on the front door was quickly followed by a group of police officers entering their room.  Acting on an anonymous tip, they had come to arrest them.  Knowing this day might come, they pointed to their marriage certificate and were then led out like thieves in handcuffs - not even allowed to share the same squad car to jail.  Their day in court eventually found them guilty, but the judge allowed them to waive their sentence if they moved out of the state.

After leaving their home and families behind, they moved to Washington D.C., the only place where they felt they could fight their fight and be heard by their home state.  Six years after their arrest, a  petition was heard by the court of appeals, but to their dismay the ruling was upheld.  A year later, the Presbyterian Church heard about their struggles and publicly stated that the church found "no theological grounds for condemning or prohibiting marriage between consenting adults..." This set about a chain of conversations that eventually resulted in their case going to the Supreme Court, who a year later said that "Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival...."

Oh wait, you didn't hear about this case?  It's probably because Mildred and Richard Loving had this monumental court case decided against the state of Virginia in 1966.  You see, Mildred was of American Indian and African heritage and her husband Richard was white, which was against the law there.  There were many God-fearing people at the time who believed what they did was against their faith and would lead to Armageddon and a host of problems, but the courts of our great country eventually saw those reasons as not nearly as important as a basic citizen's rights.

Many see this upcoming vote as one that must include one's personal comfort level or religious convictions.  I argue that to maintain the very freedoms that were fought and died over, we must give those very freedoms to all - including those who you may disagree with morally or otherwise.  If not for constitutional rights (which we all should hold to) for the common courtesy of allowing two consenting American adults to do as they choose.  There does not have to be a gay agenda. Just a human one.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Can I beg the question?

 
I was challenged last night to write an hour a day and I am going to see what comes of that here.  Thanks for hanging in there with me as I continue to sift through life, my questions, and each day's blank page.


I have never been afraid of controversy.  In the heyday of my youth and immaturity I partnered  this with my sarcasm and antagonistic side just to feel smart. There was something deeply powerful about being able to corner others in conversation and take jabs that eventually could lead to me feeling like the funniest (if not also the most intelligent) person in the room.  Truth be told, a lot of this came from my early years in church...where within the safe circle of "Christian Minnesota Nice" you can say just about anything you want as long as you do it with a smile and a little humor.  My friends in the South have a similar out when they follow up with "Bless his heart". 

A poignant moment happened to me in a Sunday School class that quickly turned from Q&A to an open dig session on why every other church/youth group in town wasn't up to our level.  It wasn't until my family quit attending that I began to realize how elitist and weird much of what I thought being a "good person of faith" entailed.  Did my faith have to be more than what I felt it needed to be?  Who writes the rules?  My course has been forever changed by these thoughts and instead of being frustrated I now am thankful for the wandering feelings and general lack of direction.  I have learned that the trap game in life (and certainly religion) is believing that you not only know best, but your "right" is righter than all others.

Instead of debating to win, I have begun to choose my moments when I want to beg the question.  Sometimes I can't help but stir the pot and I do so knowingly, but other times I am awestruck by the emotion that comes of a seemingly simple thought or question.  I can say with 100% certainty that my words do not come from a lack of faith...nor out of doubt...or even from a bored need to rile things up.  Frankly, I am afraid of those who do not question anything anymore. There is a  false sense of security that comes from being closed off to unspoken conversations, believing in a misguided elitism based on their interpretation of faith.  We all have witnessed the pendulum swing back and forth during this political season, but where those debates can reach a stalemate, religion has an unfair trump card that can change any conversation.

It honestly pains me to even type it out, so I will just give you an example about what I am referring to. Person A says something about their faith that Person B disagrees with . Person A raises their questions to Person B's methodology.  Person B can't come to grips with the differences and the doubt ("I thought this person thought the same as I did"), so in an attempt to protect themselves, they play "the card" in their mind. A subtle switch quickly takes place. Person A must no longer be one of "us", but "them" and can be subjugated to the lost pile with all the crazies, mystics, and left socks.  In environments such as these by raising questions, Person A somehow broke an unspoken rule of faith.  To question is to doubt. To doubt is to not truly believe. This "weakness" cannot be encouraged.

I say all these things to show you where my heart and head are going. Not into a lost world of faithless chasing, but with love...with hopeful certainty.  By embracing questions (and those who have been placed outside of society's various circles), I know that I am getting ever closer to the heart of who I must become.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Burning Crosses...


A little over a week ago in Bemidji, a mother of biracial children walked out her front door to see an eight foot high burning cross in her yard.  Instantly polarizing and garnering widespread media coverage, the local police force were forced to address this as a hate crime (they went on record as saying that this was more than likely teenagers who don't understand the deep implications of something like this).  This is Northern Minnesota after all, not deep south clansmen country...how could someone do something to disturbing and hateful? 

The masses who need "in your face moments" like these to jolt them from their daily lives are deeply unsettled to say the least.  Others pass it off quickly, believing it's just an overblown prank.  I have had a few people locally and beyond Bemidji ask me my perspective and I think it's about time I gave it in written word.  About this act, I think that it's a terrible, hateful, and horribly misguided act.  To invoke images of cloaked bigots who not only burn the most recognizable symbol, but degrade entire races to subhuman ranks is something that will have a ripple effect forever.  How does a family sleep soundly knowing someone who knows where they live isn't just racist, but could take it this far?  What would stop them from throwing bricks through their windows or burning their house down as they slept?  Is it really that far fetched?

The part that I have gotten a little flack for already is that I am not shocked that this happened.  Don't hear me incorrectly.  I am outraged, disgusted, and saddened by this eventt  To assume that I might be immune to these feelings or calloused, simply because I don't act surprised is false.  "After all, Matt...I thought that YOU, more than most people would be upset by what was done...being that you do what you do and all..." Sidenote: Even though I always take that question as a compliment, I have never found an appropriate response to convey my disgust with that genuine, but poorly thought out question. Choosing to work or serve the way I do isn't about having a rare genetic heart condition that lets me love unlovable people or wear special glasses that open my eyes to the daily problems of others.  It's a daily choice to see others not just as a fellow human being in my community, but as family...as someone on my level who has just as much to share and teach me about life and love. Once your heart is wide open, the blinders and stipulations have to go away or it isn't love.

So...away from the sidebar moment and back to what brought me out of my blog hiatus.  The burning cross. Hate.  I went on Bemidji craigslist's rants/raves section to see what the anonymous ranters were saying about it, since they are never one to hold back.  Although there was a lot of banter about their assorted viewpoints on the welfare system and those they saw in the community who were abusing EBT, not one mentioned the burning cross.  I expected to see some outrage at best or even some support of it at worst, but nothing.  Know what I DID find though?


hangouts lgbtq (any place)


Date: 2012-05-17, 7:25PM CDT
Reply to: wsnsh-3022133843@pers.craigslist.org

Just want to know if there is a place where lgbtq peple can hang.



A fair question, right?  For those who don't know, LGBTQ is the acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender, and Queer.  It's not a secret homosexual underground codeword for perverse parties.  It's a simple way for the marginalized to find community.  Here was the only response...and one of the (many) reasons why burning crosses are not at the top of my disgust list.



Re: hangouts lgbtq (any place)


Date: 2012-05-18, 4:33PM CDT
Reply to: tvggw-3023907072@pers.craigslist.org

Ideally they could hang from the trees within the State Park, but the rafters of BSU would probably be strong enough too.



Seriously?!!?  Sure, this is an anonymous response to an anonymous question, but man...hateful.


So, it got me thinking.  How do we begin to make a change for the better?  We can't just punish the isolated incidents.  Social justice work and tolerance education in the school systems isn't cutting it either.  Years ago, I adopted "Be the change you want to see in the world" as one of my life quotes...and even THAT doesn't solve much.  Want to know what jumped out at me when I begged for some insight?  We all burn crosses, daily.  Before you dismiss this thought, stick with me for a few minutes. 

Our local Wal Mart is one of the highest selling stores within their organization. Bemidji, Minnesota!  Is that because we are a booming metropolis?  Nope.  Maybe because there are not other shopping options nearby?  No, again.  Perhaps it's because cash-strapped people within a hundred mile radius are funneled into the biggest of big box stores to make their money (including EBT) stretch the furthest.  It should be noted that included in that hundred mile circle are the three largest American Indian Reservations in the state, even though their dollars help bring in much-needed revenue.  I hear more people complain about "all the Indians in there" and I see even their most minimal purchases being checked at the door by staff, while I can roll through with a wave and a "have a nice day".  That's a burning cross moment.  I can't let that fly.  I vow to no longer allow myself to walk through unchecked and when I have my bags checked, I will voice who I typically see them stop and ask if they know what profiling is.

Burning crosses can be subtle, uncomfortable words or actions.  You know it's wrong and that "something" should be said or done, but you know that if you wait a few seconds the moment will pass and you can move on. We can walk away from that friend who just lumped all of a people group into one "lazy" designation.  Any time we hear the words "those people" being mentioned, we can stay silent or even nod and change the subject.  Our circles can continue to be influenced more by our comfort level and maintain (with some exceptions perhaps) an acceptable minimum level of diversity in color, sexual orientation, religion, or economic standing.  It's all easier.  Call it Minnesota Nice.  Blame it on your Scandinavian roots.  Some of us can even bring Jesus into it, as if a follower of Christ should actually keep their mouth shut when they see injustice!  I am not immune.  I voice words I shouldn't.  I slight my brothers and sisters or avoid them entirely. 

My community. My friends. My family.  Let's open our eyes to these things. Stop feeling guilty that these things happen.  Don't use isolated incidents as coffee conversations, where the emotion fades as quickly as the cup cools.  The next hot topic thing will surely come and distract you just before you ever did anything about the last one.  Let's train ourselves and each other to do something. Anything. Always in love, but in the moment and with an objective perspective that comes with honest reflection.