comfortability and change

   

    The difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.  - Ellen Glasgow -

    Over the past months, I have really begun to feel fenced in...bound to my circumstances and life in a way that has left me feeling listless and frustrated.  Sure, cabin fever and a long Minnesota winter can batter the will of the hardiest of soul, but this felt different.  As easy as it would be to blame the sub-zero temperatures, frozen vehicles, or even the Groundhog day-like routine of shoveling snow from my driveway each morning, I knew none was the root cause.  Although it's much harder to have a positive outlook on your world when your back and shoulders go through a perpetual state of soreness, it wasn't until the wheels fell of that I truly got a glimpse of what needed to change.      

    In college, I spent a restless night trying to figure out why I felt such an inner battle over my future.  That night, I found myself writing my thoughts in a paper entitled "Comfortability = death".  The basic idea of my conclusion was that the allure of a nice house, steady job, 2.5 kids were all good things, but that we were continually being sold into believing that we deserved much more and couldn't be happy until we were COMFORTABLE.

    Awww...comfortable, the illusive ever-changing feeling that if we could just have x, y, and z or be in this economic bracket, that we would be healthy, wealthy, wise...and happy.  Such a scary and sad way to look at life if you ask me. 

    A body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest, unless acted on by an unbalanced force.  - Sir Issac Newton's first law of motion -

     Where I had grown comfortable, was that I had quit listening to the still, small voice inside of me that told me to be more bold, more honest...with myself, my friends, coworkers, and the world around me.  Over time, I had sugar coated or eliminated things all together, because it was uncomfortable and I truly believed that I was more mature now that I had learned to sit back and "let people be people".

    Don't get me wrong, I still love everyone and will not be throwing stones of judgment...I just needed a kick in the pants to be who I am...and now I have it in full force. 

    I wish I could've posted this when I first started on it.  Now I have a few weeks under my belt and have new things I want to say!  See you all again real soon.